Chapter 64

chapter Sixty Four

*Ariya*

"What does mated to me mean?" I asked Ivan.

Ivan shifted uncomfortably and I looked at him worried.

"I don't mean to worry you. It's just a bit revealing? I don't know the right word. I feel exposed and it's a scary feeling for me." Ivan said.

I looked at him shocked, "I don't think I've ever known you to be that open about how you're feeling. Even when you were Justin. You've never expressed something like this. Ivan, please don't be scared. I am here. I'm not going to run away. I'm just confused."

Ivan took a deep breath and I moved to be closer to him. I hopped into his lap and wrapped my arms around him nestling my head into his chest. I felt his body start to relax a little as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Being mated is a wolf thing. We have a mate. Kind of like a soul mate. Like the person you are meant to be with. Most of us never find ours. But when we do, our eyes turn blue. When I first got to your guys' home and I met you I felt a pull to you. I didn't know what it was so I tried to ignore it."

"So for you it was like love at first sight?" I asked him.

"Kind of. It felt like my heart stopped when I saw you. But I was in so much pain after losing my parents I thought that was what I was feeling. You looked at me with such kind eyes and as I got to know you better, I realized I was falling for you."

"I'm sorry, I don't remember any of that yet." I told him.

"It's ok, Ari. I know you don't have all your memories back yet. The night I shifted for the first time, I was so scared. I didn't know what to do and my parents weren't there. I went to your room because you always seemed to calm me down. Then we fell asleep and I guess you know the rest."

"So what does it mean for you to be mated?" I asked.

"It means that I was made for you. It means that I'm always going to love you. I'm always going to be there for you and I'm always going to protect you. It means that I've loved you since I've known you. It was confirmed when I shifted for the first time. But before that I just always felt like I wanted to be near you. I just didn't want to scare you so I tried to keep my distance. But I really do love you, Ari." Ivan told me.

"I love you too, Ivan." I said looking deep into his eyes.

As soon as I said it his eyes glowed blue and I heard his heart skip a beat. Ivan leaned down and kissed me. His tongue parted my lips and went exploring. My body melted and I felt a burn in my throat as my breathing quickened. I felt my fangs push their way forward and a growl escaped me. Ivan's tongue touched one of my fangs and he growled in response. It wasn't an angry growl but more of a growl of need.

Ivan jerked away suddenly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Ari. I'm sorry. My body just started responding. I'm sorry Ari."

"Breathe, Ivan. I'm ok. It's ok. Why are you so worried?" I asked him, concerned.

"I didn't mean to make you lose control. I'm sorry." Ivan said, worried.

"I'm in control, it's ok. Maybe we should talk more about what it means for you to be mated to me?" I asked.

"Right. So, good news and bad news. I don't remember. Not yet. I know that it is part of the reason that I can't communicate with everyone. To be able to communicate I know that you and I have to bond. But I don't know how we do that yet. I also don't know what all it means yet. I know I had a conversation with Derek about it. Which I am more than happy to share with you when I remember but I don't remember it yet." Ivan explained.

"Ok. So we wait for that memory to come back. I feel like the memories are going to continue coming until we get them all back. Which is also both good and bad." I told him.

Ivan nodded, "We have to figure out what is ok to tell Boss and what isn't."

"I don't think it's too complicated. I think we just let him know everything. As long as he doesn't know your identity or find an easier way to kill us, I think it's best to tell him everything."

"That could be dangerous, Ari." Ivan said.

"I know but I think by telling him more, maybe he'll come around and stop thinking of us as monsters." I said, hopeful.

"I don't know if Boss will really ever think differently of any of us. But Ari, once the memories stop, he's going to go into torturing you." Ivan said, grimly.

"I know. That's another reason why we should keep telling him everything. If we hold off on telling him things, he could start the torture because I haven't had a memory."

"So I need to go get him then?" Ivan asked.

"Unfortunately, yes. But Drake needs to lock the one of you and my Mom. If I start telling Boss about that, he's going to know that you're here." I told him.

"I think Drake needs to lock you and Keo switching places. Even though it was as little kids and it was a joke, I think you need to have Drake lock that part. If you guys figure out how to really do it it could be used as a surprise if needed. But I think it's dangerous if Boss knows." Ivan said, worried.

"Ok. I'll reach out while you go talk to Boss." I told him.

"No. I'm not leaving you until I know that it's locked. I'm not risking coming back early with him and you getting caught by Boss that you can communicate with them." Ivan growled.

I laughed but agreed. I reached out to Drake and he quickly locked the memories with the rest of them. Ivan kissed my forehead and then got up and went to find Boss. I moved to the middle of the room, waiting for Boss to arrive. I wasn't sure if I was making the right decision on telling Boss every memory I got back but I felt that it really couldn't hurt.

What could Boss do with half of the information I gave him? I told him that I'd watched my mother be burned alive in front of me. He already knew that using fire hurt us more. Caleb had told me that fire hurt more but it was because it hurt other people more. If you got cut with a blade your body healed like normal. But being burned would usually put people in the hospital depending on the severity and it would take a normal person months if not years to heal. It only made sense that we didn't heal as fast from fire. We weren't as different as they made us out to be. We healed just like if a healer healed someone.

The only difference was a healer was a very much loved ability in people. But when we had it we were monsters. I could understand it a bit I guess. We did after all need to feed on people to be able to continue healing.