Chapter 41

I stroked her hair gently as she relaxed in my arms. The world felt right, but I worried about the way she had reacted in the training center. She had clearly been aroused from me just barely touching. What would she have been like if someone didn’t have as much restraint as I did?

“I couldn’t stand it if any other guy got to touch you. Only I can touch you like this, Grace. Nobody else gets to touch you.” I reminded her that she was mine.

She stiffened a little, and didn’t acknowledge me and my words.

“Grace?” I tried as I leaned over to see her face.

Her eyes were closed, but her heartrate was a little erratic, so I knew she wasn’t asleep.

“Grace?” I tried again.

She didn’t answer. I didn’t understand. What had I said that had upset her so much she wouldn’t even talk to me? I mean, she never really spoke, but she always acknowledged me before, and to pretend to be asleep just felt like a really low blow. I thought we were having a moment. I mean, hell, after the gym today, I thought our relationship was truly developing into more. And she’s the one who had wanted to stay. She had proposed having MY baby before I came up with our current arrangement.

I pulled away from her in irritation. I didn’t understand what was going on anymore at all. With one last glance at her, I walked out of the room and made my way down to my office. To my surprise, the light in Sawyer’s office was still on, so I made a detour there instead.

I didn’t bother to knock, I just walked straight in.

“Well, come on in then,” Sawyer remarked sarcastically as I plopped down in the chair across from him at the desk.

“What are you working on?” I asked, leaning over to see if it was anything interesting.

“Just studying up on a new stiches method.” He answered, closing his notebook, and looking at me with mild interest. “Did you do something to Grace?”

“Do something to Grace?” I frowned. “What does that even mean?”

“Well, she seemed upset at dinner tonight, we ate alone upstairs, which she doesn’t usually do. And I asked her if she was okay because she seemed off. Then I asked if you did something to upset her, and she just excused herself, and went to bed, and now you’re here, in my office and not your bedroom, which makes me think something has happened with Grace.” Sawyer said, laying it all out there.

“I mean, no, not really. We were talking, and then I said something to her about not letting other men touch her, and she got all weird, and even pretended to be asleep. I don’t understand what happened, at all.”

“Seriously?” Sawyer looked at me with disbelief. “You have no idea what went wrong?”

“What? It’s not an unreasonable request. She proposed the deal. She was fantasizing in the gym earlier, I just want to be very clear with her that I don’t want her to go around throwing herself at other guys.”

“First off,” Sawyer sighed. “She is not the kind of girl to throw herself at other guys. She would be mortified for you even thinking that about her. Second, you are imposing very partner like demands on her, probably pushing her farther away.”

“But she’s probably my mate!” I protested like a child.

“And she doesn’t know that,” Sawyer answered flatly. “She has no idea who she probably is to you. In her mind, she’s probably still thinking that this is all just a business deal. A safety net because a guy like you would never like her. And unlike you, she seems to live in a constant fear and anxiety. She’s incredibly sensitive and hyperaware of everything and nothing all at once, which can easily lead her to overthink everything.”

“But I’m trying to make her feel wanted!” I argued.

“And how that’s great.” Sawyer answered patiently. “But she might not be ready to jump into this kind of commitment. It’s a lot. You have to remember that she’s been through hell.”

“But she’s the one who proposed the deal!” I pouted.

“Say it with me,” Sawyer said, with a hint of laughter in his voice, “She’s scared.”

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, okay, I get it. I’m being too pushy. I guess, I’ll go fix it.”

“Isn’t she sleeping?” Sawyer asked.

“She was faking when I left, so I doubt it.” I shrugged as I got up.

I pondered over all the things Sawyer had said as I walked absently through the hallway and up the stairs. Was I being too pushy? I couldn’t tolerate even the idea of another man touching her in any way at all, but was that unreasonable? Goddess, no other woman had ever had me in this much of a tizzy.

I opened the door as quietly as I could, but it didn’t matter, she wasn’t in the bed.

“Grace?” I called out looking around, but there was no response. I could see the light on in the bathroom, so I decided to check there, and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her.

She looked so small in the large tub. Her body bared all the scars of her past, which made me feel something, but she was still so beautiful. I knew if she was awake, she would never just let me just stare at her like this. She didn’t even always like it when I stared and she had clothes on. I quickly pulled the drain in the tub, and grabbed a towel to wrap her up. She must have been tired because she didn’t flinch. She didn’t move at all other than to curl into me. I wanted to keep holding her, but I laid her on the bed, and grabbed one of the bigger t-shirts I could find to put on her. As I pulled the t-shirt over her head, the undeniable urge to mark her, hit me like a truck. I leaned in, smelling her delicious scent. She smelled like fall. I breathed her in, knowing that it would have to do. I didn’t want her to suffer, and that’s what marking her would do. She couldn’t take that.

I leaned over, brushed her hair out of her face before kissing her forehead.

“Stay.” She whispered in her half-asleep state.

I smiled slightly. I laid down beside her till she fell asleep, but I kept distance between us. However, my mind was too busy to sleep, so finally I got up and headed downstairs to my best friend’s and Beta’s suite.

“Hey,” Leon answered, his daughter Lacey on his him and his seven-year-old, Sarah at his side.

I nodded back at him, but didn’t say anything. It was rare he got time to truly hang with his kids. I didn’t want to interrupt that, but here I was.

“Hey girls, go find Mommy, I’ll be there in a moment.”

The girls looked at me and took off running back to their suite. And we stood there in silence for a long moment.

Before Leon said, “Are we just going to stand here or are you going to tell me what happened?”