Chapter 730

I lean hard against Jackson, half awake.

We're given the rest of the day to rest with plans to ship us back to school that night. Most of my fellow Cadets and friends sleep in the tents provided for us, but I'm unable to find rest. Instead I just sit in a weird little waking coma of grief, staring into space a lot, thinking about Tony, considering how terribly unfair this world is. Hating this stupid, ridiculous war.

Hating Atalaxia most of all.

Ben comes back and we all stay close, but Jackson stays by my side like a burr. Luca too, but not in the same way Jackson does - Jacks, he tries to hide it by dampening our bond, but he's so, so worried about me, even as I assure him again and again that I'm fine - or, at least, that I will be. He believes me - I know that he does - but still, there's not a moment when he's not touching me, bringing me water and snacks, predicting my needs even before I can think to want something.

Dad and Roger get on a video call with mom and Cora at some point and glance my way, talking low about bringing me back to the city for a day or two to rest and process this -

But I end that idea immediately, insisting that I'm going back to school with the rest.

"Ari," Dad sighs, turning to me. "We're not pulling you out - you could just rest, let your mom take care of you for a day."

"Why aren't you offering this to anyone else!?" I snap, casting out a hand towards all of my friends and family still in the tent with us but

encompassing all the other Cadets in their tents too. "We all lost Tony, but I'm the only one you're offering a luxury suite in the capital. Is it because I'm a girl? Because if so -"

"We're offering it," Roger interrupts, crossing his arms and glaring at me a little. "Because you may need it, Ariel. Don't accuse us of things that you know aren't true."

I sigh, and hang my head, and Jackson quietly strokes my back.

"I'm sorry,” I murmur, shaking my head and looking at the floor. "But I want to go back to school. I want...I want to work."

"I understand," dad says, and I look up to see him giving me a serious nod.

Then he turns away to have a serious chat with Rafe and Jesse about measures they need to take to keep me safe at school, especially since Gibson slipped under our suspicion that whole time.noveldrama

A few scant hours after that, I'm

climbing the steps onto the train. Dad somehow got the luxury royal caboose sent in time so that I could stretch out and get some rest on the way back to school, but I just cry again the moment I step through the door, remembering that we weren't close enough with Tony at

Midwinter to invite him to go back to the city with us.

And so he never got to ride in it. And he should have.

"Oh, sweetheart," Jacks sighs, scooping me up into his arms and carrying me away to a corner where he bundles me up in his lap, cradles me against his chest, and holds me for hours. Ben, Jesse, Rafe, and Luca stretch out and chat quietly or doze. We ride through the night.

I spend most of the time curled up against Jacks, staring out the window at the black sky, feeling absolutely empty.

When I step out of the shower hours later I don't really feel...better. I'm still exhausted, and sleep deprived, but...it's nice to be clean. When I step out into the main room and all three of my Alphas turn towards me with grim faces, though, I stop in my tracks.

"Oh no,” I say, my shoulders slumping. "What now?"

“We have to tell you something," Jesse replies, his face sad.

My breath starts to come short.

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"Ariel, please," Jackson says, holding out a hand for me, his voice cracking with the strain of seeing me so continually sad. I cross to him, wanting his strength, feeling incredibly guilty about the fact that he also hasn't gotten a moment of sleep because he's been too busy worrying about and taking care of me.

Don't, he says, right into my mind, as he takes my hand and pulls me into his lap on the couch so I can easily see Jesse and Rafe. I don't need sleep. That's what the magic is for.