Chapter 771

"Jess -" Rafe holds out a hand towards his cousin, deeply aware that he's crossed a bridge he never, ever wanted to cross. That he's said the words his cousin has maybe been waiting for, and fearing, his entire life.

"No," Jesse says, shaking his head, his eyes filling with tears. "You said it. Now own it. Because you're fucking right.'

All of Rafe's anger leaves him in a rush and he stares at his cousin, agonized at what he just did. At what he let his stupid rage lead him to saying words he didn't even fucking mean to his best friend in the world, just because he lost his temper and wanted - so badly - to hurt him in turn.

"Do you think it's been easy for me?" Jesse asks Rafe, wiping hard at his eyes with his sleeve, desperate not to cry in front of his cousin but failing immediately at the task. "Growing up in your shadow? Standing next to you - the perfect Prince - my entire life? Being compared to you at every turn - in athletics, in academics, in looks, in charm, in ability, and yeah - in success with women? And always, always coming up short?"

Rafe stands straight, watching his cousin back away, hating himself.

"And I have never resented you for that Rafe - because I fucking love you. I celebrate you every day - all of your successes, and victories, and accomplishments, because I think you're fucking great and you're my cousin and my best friend. You're my fucking brother. But did you ever think about what it was like for me? Did you ever consider that this is why I feel like I have to be funny all the time - because to get anyone to even look at me next to you I had to become your jester, your fucking clown?"

Jesse shakes his head, sniffing hard, trying desperately to stand straight.

"She is the first person who has seen beyond that," Jesse says, pointing out towards the Castle where Daphne is. "Or at least, the first person outside of our family to see something in me that doesn't pale in comparison to you. So excuse me if, yes, I run towards that, if I rejoice in finding someone who sees something good in me and want to hold on to it forever. Someone who wants to be with me for who I am, for what I have to offer."

"Jesse, I -"

"No, fuck you Rafe," Jesse snaps, cutting Rafe off with a sharp shake of his head. "Because it doesn't kill me that she liked you first, I'm fucking used to that in my life. This whole thing," he gestures around at the forest, "this entire fight is happening because it's killing you that she had you kneeling at her feet and she still decided that she likes me better. You can't stand that - you can't stand one person on this earth not choosing you.'

Rafe hangs his head, devastated, wondering if Jesse is right. If he's that arrogant, that conceited.

"You could have just let me have this one, Rafe," Jesse says, his voice flat and fading as he turns. "You have literally...everyone else."

Jesse walks away.

Leaving Rafe completely alone.

When Jackson and I walk into the breakfast hall, Ben basically jumps to his feet, nearly dropping his coffee cup in his attempt to get up from the table and across to me as fast as he can. But he doesn't have to go far, because I'm already dashing to him by the time he opens up his arms and wraps menoveldrama

up.

"Oh god, Ari," he murmurs, holding me tight and rocking me back and forth, his cheek pressed to my cap.

"I'm so, so relieved to see you awake - and walking - and clothed -"

I laugh as he releases me, but I don't miss that his eyes drop to my neck. But there's nothing to see there - just before we left a package came up from Daphne with a little cylinder of black fabric that I can wear around my neck like a tube scarf. When tucked into the collar of my cadet uniform, it really does just look like a turtle neck. It's not precisely uniform regulation, but ubiquitous enough to pass most notice.

Unless, you know, you're the one who found me naked and bleeding from my neck in someone's dorm room a couple of days ago. Then, you notice.

Jackson lets out a possessive little snarl as he catches up to me, but he murmurs an apology to Ben when Benny looks up at him with a little bit of fear. "I'm on overdrive," Jackson murmurs, holding up a hand to him. "Ignore me."

"Plus he's hungry," I say, beaming up at Ben.

"I know, meals have been lonely,"

Ben murmurs, gesturing around at the empty table. My heart sinks as look around at it, because even if Rafe and Jesse aren't back from their run yet - there are still two seats that aren't going to be filled anymore.

Tears fill my eyes and Ben sighs, leading me the last few steps to a chair next to Jackson, settling on my other side. "Oh, I'm sorry, Ari," he murmurs, shaking his head as I wipe at my cheeks. "Don't think on it much. It's too hard."

I nod, knowing that he's right, exhaling hard and closing my eyes for a moment as I force myself to think of other things. "Um, is there coffee?"