Chapter 142

**Logan**

"Are you sure you want him in here for the whole session?" Sarah, Megan's therapist asks. "It's your session, you make the rules here," she adds. I think I scared her yesterday because she hasn't looked at me since we arrived. I only said what I said because I'm sick of people trying to become between us. I just don't understand why they can't leave us alone. Why there always has to be someone wanting to get between us.

"It's ok, I tell him most things anyway," Megan states.

"Ok," she taps the red record button on her iPad and places it down on the table. "Let's start. How was last night? You said yesterday you had a nightmare the night before, did you have another last night?"

"I stayed awake all night," she states. I look at Megan. I didn't know that. "I then fell asleep in one of my lessons, luckily Melanie woke me up before a nightmare started," I look towards Megan to see her pull on her cardigan a little. She wore jeans and just a plain t-shirt today but she put the cardigan on when she got home. I'm not sure why when it's not exactly cold.

"What was the nightmare about the other night?"

"Same as usual, only this time it was as if I was watching it happen and so were the people in my life now, they all just sat watching everything happen like it was some movie, and instead of Benjamin is was Logan"

"When you say everyone in your life, who?"

"Everyone, you, Logan, my friends, David, all the people that I care about and who I think care about me," she explains.

"Logan was watching himself attack you?" she asks. Megan nods 'What do you think it means?" Megan shrugs and then wipes a small tear from her cheek.

"I guess, if I really thought about it, probably my own fear that, I have all these people around me that care yet won't be able to do anything to stop Benjamin,"

"You've built Benjamin up as if he's this indestructible entity but he's not, he's only a man Megan, he can be hurt just like you,"

"He can be killed," I say quietly. My eyes widened, I meant to say that in my head.

"Er yeah, what I'm trying to say is he's human," Sarah states.

"I know, I just know that he is smart, he escaped, he's going to find a way to me,"

"Or he'll think he's too smart to be caught and get caught," she says.

"Maybe," Megan mutters and looks down at her lap.

"Tell me about your uncle?" this causes Megan to smile, I can see the love she has for him.

"He's my uncle Brett, he would visit us all the time, he's super protective. He doesn't know about Logan and I obviously, he'd kill Logan, he nearly killed Tyler when he found out he and I were dating," she says with a small smile. "He's like a teddy bear though, he has this really tough exterior, but I guess when it comes to me or when it came to my mom he was and still is a big softie," Sarah smiles at her and writes something down.

"That's nice, so you like the fact he's here,"

"Yeah, he's younger than Jonathon, he's closer to my mom's age," this makes me listen a little more.

"What do you mean?" Sarah asks.

"Well Jonathon is about 14 years older than my mum and Brett is only three years older, Jonathon has another brother, but I've never met him, he's apparently the middle child and he left with his mom and they've not seen him since he was 18,"

"Oh, your grandfather said to me he only has two sons,"

"That's because the other wants nothing to do with him, I can kind of see why now," Interesting. I too only thought he had two sons, I guess that would mean Brett isn't the one that was supposed to be taken along with Jonathon. "I think Brett is in contact with him," she adds.

"It's good that you have a family member who is there for you also,"

"I just hope he's staying longer this time, he always goes out on assignment pretty quickly," Megan states. I can't agree with her on that one. It sucks that he's living with us, to be honest.

"You don't seem happy about that Logan," Sarah states, getting my attention.

"I don't mind him, I just don't think I want him staying with us for a long time,"

"Why not?" she asks. I look at Megan to see her looking at me waiting for my answer.

"Well, home is the only place we get to be together, at the moment that's not a possibility, the only time we're alone now is in the car and even then we're not always alone," I explain.

"Oh yeah," Megan says, and looks down "I didn't think about that,"

"It's not like I can't work around that and make it so we do have alone time, it's just the last thing we want is to make it obvious," I explain to her.

"Megan, how was the night you slept together?" she asks suddenly. I raise an eyebrow and look at Megan then at her therapist to see her waiting patiently. I hadn't noticed before but she has a small scar on her neck. Most likely never noticed because I don't really look at her that much. She's wearing a pale pink long sleeve t-shirt and a pair of light blue jeans. Her hair is tied up today, yesterday she had it down. She's an attractive woman but there's something about her that tells me she likes to go unnoticed. She's probably not that much older than me.

"What do you mean?" Megan asks. I turn my attention back to Megan to see her cheeks going slightly pink. Either the question embarrasses her or having me here hearing her answer embarrasses her.

"I want to know how you felt about it," she clarifies.

"It was good," she says quietly.

"Good?" I ask, and look at Sarah to see her smile a little.

"Well you know, this is so embarrassing," she says leaning back and looking at the ceiling.

"Why?"

"Well I have these conversations with my friends, but I don't know, it's different with him here," she explains.

"Pretend he's not here," Sarah suggests.

"Very difficult to do,"

"Why?"

"Because it's like my mind is hyper-aware of him, I know when he walks into a room and I could be in a conversation with someone and just know," she sighs and then looks at me. "It was better than good," she says to me and I smile.

"I know it was," I state and she shakes her head and looks at Sarah.

"I felt good about it if that's what you're asking, I thought I'd feel ashamed afterwards if I'm honest, I thought it would hurt, that I'd hate myself all over again,"

"You associated the feelings you got after Benjamin raped you to what it would feel like to have sex willingly," Sarah says to her.

"I guess, but I had all the natural fears you'd have as well, like if I'm doing any of it right but that kind of went after the first couple of times, it was like I felt more confident in my actions," she explains. "It was strange, I wanted to be in control at one point,"

"Control how?" Sarah asks as she writes something down and then looks at Megan.

"She woke me up with her mouth and then made sure I knew she was in control by being on top," I say after Megan doesn't answer her. "It was sexy as hell," I state and Sarah raises her eyebrows a little and looks at Megan.

"Control is going to be quite important to you when it comes to sex. And I mean control both ways," she says to Megan. She turns to me, "From what I gather you aren't the submissive type,"

"Generally speaking no," I pause and look at Megan a little before looking back at Sarah. "Sexually speaking I like having the control, there are certain things I enjoy, some I think she will enjoy and others I know she won't, but then again it's all about trust really," I say, and look at Megan. I can see her mind racing. I reach over and pull her towards me and kiss her on the lips. "Stop, whatever your thinking, stop," I say knowing she's most likely spiralling down the biggest negative hole ever.

"What are you thinking, Megan?" Sarah asks as she writes something down.

"That I'm not enough, at some point he'll want to do something that I don't and he'll break up with me, I mean that's a standard fear for me anyway,"

"What do you mean?" I ask, frowning.

"Well the first time you saw me naked the next day you broke up with me, I just expect it at some point," she says, and I frown.

"I didn't want to break up with you,"

"The things you said though,"

"I said those things to get you to hate me so that it wouldn't hurt me so much, but I fucked up," I state and move her hair from her face. "I'm sorry if it helps you've ruined me for women everywhere," I say, and she laughs. I kiss her neck and if her therapist wasn't in the room right now I'd gladly make love to Megan right now.

"Why did you take the next step if you had this fear?" Sarah asks. Megan shrugs and looks at me.

"When I'm with him it's like I have no fears, they only come when he's not around me, and I mean look at him, he's hot as hell," she states, and I smile. "Would you say no to him?" she asks her.

"Is that a serious question?" Sarah asks. I look at her and frown. Megan nods. "Probably not, given the right circumstances," she says honestly. "Was there any part you didn't like?" she says turning the conversation back on track.

"No, not really," she pauses, "I think he can read me quite well, he knows what I'm thinking most of the time and I like that," she says looking at me.

"Ok, I think that's all we've got time for today," Sarah states. "I think you two should have these kinds of talks. Tell each other how you're feeling when feelings become volatile and too much that's when things get misinterpreted. The fact you can both sit here and listen to each other is a good thing, your relationship has moved pretty fast, I didn't expect for you to have gotten intimate so quickly,"

"You don't need to worry about that, he won't sleep with me now that we're back home," she says with a huff and I laugh.

"Is that so?" Sarah asks, looking at me.

"She's not making it easy, constantly flirting with me at school it's difficult," I say, and Megan looks at me, giving me a mischievous smile. I then stand up with Megan and I watch as Sarah stops the record button on the Ipad.

"I was wondering if I can change my usual time, I saw Courtney here yesterday and she goes to my school. I don't want to see people I know," I remember seeing Courtney, I didn't really think much of it.

"Ah yes she mentioned that she knew you and wanted to book in later instead, but that only happened because we went overtime," she explains. There's usually 15 minutes between each appointment for that reason, but I can just book you both on different days.

"Yeah that'll be better," Megan states.

"Ok I'll look at my diary and do some shuffling," she says, and then gives Megan a slight pat on her shoulder. I let Megan go in front of me, I then turn to Sarah.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, I shouldn't have said what I said,"

"It's ok, I understand, Megan told me about your uncle yesterday,"

"It still doesn't excuse what I said, you're trying to help Megan and I have to accept that not everyone is out to ruin everything good in my life," I state. She smiles and walks out with me.

"Well thanks," she states, and watches as Megan signs the book. "I'll see you at your next session Megan," Megan nods and takes my hand to pull me out of the office.