Chapter 169

**Megan**

"Logan can never know," I say as I look up at my bedroom ceiling. I sit up on the edge of my bed, using the sheet to cover me as I reach for my dressing gown. Carl sighs loudly, and I look behind me at him to see he's running his hands over his face.

"I wouldn't worry about it," he states and grabs his boxers.

"What do you mean? He's going to be furious," I snap.

"And? You have both broken up. He's slept with one of my exes before,"

"This is different," I tighten the belt around my waist and get out of bed.

"Why? Because it's you?" He asks and gets out of my bed to then stand in front of me. He moves his hands to my arms. I look up at him, "he's not going to find out,"

"This is different because neither one of us were drunk, we knew exactly what we were doing," I state. "And that will hurt him," I say quietly. He sighs, before pulling me into a hug.

"We will act like nothing happened, he won't find out, I promise," he says. "OK?" I nod and pull away from him.

"I need a shower," I state before walking away from him into my bathroom.

**Carl**

I watch Megan walk into the bathroom. She is right, Logan will flip his lid if he finds out, but I'm not sure he has any right to be, with the way he has been acting. On top of that, I'm pretty sure he's using again. Michelle isn't the best influence. When he told me he was back in contact with her, I knew.

The look on Megan's face when he walked into the kitchen and put his arms around Michelle, I thought she was going to either beat him or break-down. He has the IQ of a genius, can tell when a psycho is faking a mental illness but doesn't know that the girl he loves, loves him back.

Walking out of her bedroom, I quickly look around and then creep back to my own room, it's not morning yet, which is good. I can't say I regret sleeping with Megan because I don't, I like her, and I've liked her for a long time. He fucked up. She may have been reacting to what she saw and felt vulnerable, but she was the one to kiss me.

I drop the condom into the bin in my bathroom, wash my hands and then climb into bed.

Megan is probably the only girl I've liked for this long at the same time as Logan. I wanted Stephanie but not like this. Not to the degree of risking my friendship with him. Although I doubt we'd ever stop being friends, we've been through that much together. There are just things that he's doing I disagree with. If he's using again, then he and Megan shouldn't be together, that wouldn't be fair on Megan. She needs someone who is there all the time. Someone she can depend on. Logan is dependable until a point if he has relapsed; it will only be a matter of time until he does something stupid.

\-*-

**Megan**

I sit in my car in the parking lot of my therapist's office building. I have been sitting here for the last two hours. My day had gone like normal. I kept to myself all day; I just wanted to get through the day. Logan had tried to talk to me, but I couldn't even look him in the eye. I feel like I've committed a crime. The thing is I don't regret it. I just know that if he finds out, it will hurt him and I don't want that. No matter how much he has hurt me.

My phone rings. I look down to see Carl's name blink at me. I answer.

"Hey," he says, and he sounds nervous. "Where are you?"

"I'm at the mall," I lie.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm just window shopping,"

"Ok, listen, about last night. Do you regret it?" he asks.

"No," I truthfully tell him.

"Good, it's just, Logan mentioned you were avoiding him, I know that if we hadn't slept together, you would probably have avoided him anyway, I just don't want you to be beating yourself up over this,"

"I know, I also know he'd hate me if he found out,"

"Trust me it wouldn't be you he'd hate. You have to realise that he's not thinking about you after he sleeps with someone, so you need to go easier on yourself,"

"I know, he's not, but he's not slept with any of my friends," I state.

"He slept with Courtney's sister again," I sigh and look down at my lap,

"You're a shit friend right now," I say.

"I am, and it's because I'm trying to be a good friend to you," he states. "Logan is a grown man who can look after himself, and there are things that you don't know about, that he needs to sort out," he snaps. He sounds really angry with him.

"Why are you so angry at him?" I ask.

"Because he's doing stupid shit and it annoys me,"

"So tell him,"

"I will if you tell him you love him," he counters. I remain silent on that and look out the window to see my therapist walking towards my car.

"I have to go,"

"As long as you're ok,"

"I will be," I say and hang up.

Sarah walks up to my car window. She knocks on it. I press the button to let the window down.

"How long do you intend to stay out here?" she asks. I look at the time to see it's just gone past 6.

"I was trying to pluck up the courage to come in,"

"I see, so do you want me to go back inside and wait for this courage to come to you?" I smile a little and shake my head. "What are you scared of Megan?"

"That you'll make me talk,"

"I won't make you do anything, we can sit in silence if you like," she states.

"Promise?" I ask. She nods. With my mind made up, I get out of my car and follow her to her office.

I sit on the light grey couch. Sara sits opposite me in her chair; she does her regular routine before a session and watches me. She's redone her hair, and it looks a lot lighter than what she usually gets, it's straight too. I'd love to see her natural hair. I have a feeling it is curly judging by the little ringlet that is out by her ears whenever she braids it. Her outfit today is similar to the one she wore when I last saw her, only the skirt of the dress is shorter, and it's a halter neckline.

"How did you know I was outside?" I ask.

"CCTV, my receptionist, told me when you turned up, I figured I'd see how long you would be out there first." She explains.

"So we're just going to sit here?"

"If that is what you want, yes,"

"OK," I say.

I'm not sure about what to say. I don't even know why I came here. I told myself when I finished school I'd go for a drive and the next thing I know I'm in the parking lot.

The other day I had thought about coming back to therapy, but with everything that happened, I guess I just dismissed the idea.

Where do I start? I can't tell her about Jonathon, but I'm not sure that is the reason I'm here. The reason I'm here right now is Logan, my feelings towards him. The things I've done to forget and to stop how I'm feeling.

"Do you want a drink?" she asks. I look up at her to see her walking to a small drinks table. "I'd offer you something strong, but your age is an issue," she says. "Tea or coffee?" she asks.

"Tea is fine," I reply.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. I take it out and look to see 'Brett' blinking at me. I ignore it and place my phone on the coffee table in front of me. Sarah places my drink on the table, glances at my phone to then sit back in her chair with her own. My phone starts to vibrate again and again it's Brett.

"Do they know you're here?"

"No,"

"Why not?" I shrug in response. "Why have you come here?"

"I'm not sure," I say quietly and reach for my cup of tea. I only started drinking tea because of Logan. On the weekend he can drink up to six cups just in the morning. "You said we could sit in silence," I say.

"OK, silence it is,"

I give her a small smile before getting comfy on the sofa. I lift my legs onto the couch as my phone rings again. This time it's Logan. Knowing Brett, he probably told him to ring me and see if I'll answer.