Chapter 143

Cassie

"Are you sure you are ready for this?" By my side Scarlett kept glancing at me. She was worried, Yanna was worried, Ian was worried. Everyone and their dog was worried about my mental health and honestly I was as well. Not because I was falling apart inside, that had been yesterday. This morning I woke up and felt- nothing.

I was empty inside. Like when my children had been taken from me, my heart and soul had gone with them. And maybe that was for the best. Maybe feeling nothing was better than feeling everything.

"Yes." I forced my lips upwards in a smile that didn't reach my eyes.

Scarlett nodded her head as she led me towards the infirmary. But I could tell by her face that she didn't believe a word of it. Everyone thought I should be in a sobbing ball of snot in the corner and that's exactly what I wanted to be but what good would that do? It wouldn't get me back to my children any quicker.

They were safe. I had to believe that and that was the most important thing.

That was what I had to concentrate on.

And keeping busy would help that.

The moment I stepped into the infirmary and smelt the familiar smell of disinfectant and all things sterile I let out a sigh of relief. Glancing around I felt my shoulders relax. This was where I was most at home. Being a doctor was all I had ever wanted to be. My entire life I had worked and trained for this.

Shoving up my sleeves, I pulled on a plastic apron over my clothes. It wasn't scrubs but this wasn't a hospital so I knew I would have limited supplies.

My relief was short lived though. Looking around I frowned. "These are all -" I swallowed hard as I turned back to Scarlett. "Has there been an attack?" I asked. Either her wolves were silly clumsy or there had been because I was seeing a lot of bloody open wounds. Teeth and claw marks. Stab wounds. At least there were no bullet holes that I could see. Scarlett's infirmary was not equipped for that kind of surgery.

"Late last night." She admitted after a moments hesitation.

"Duncan?" I moved towards the first bed. I was well versed in talking and working and I wanted to appraise everyone before I started any treatment.

Triage , I had missed it.

"Don't know." I saw Scarlett shrug. "I guess at this point it doesn't matter. We are an island in a sea of enemies. They took us by surprise. If it wasn't for Julian and Ian then we would have come off a lot worse than this." She fell silent.

"Julian was-" I shouldn't care but I did. I hated that my heart still lurched at the thought of him being in harms way.

"He's fine. I think he's doing the same as you and just trying to keep busy." Reaching out she touched my arm and drew my attention back to her. "You two really need to learn how to communicate better."

I knew that, I really did but talking was not where me and Julian shone. Fighting and fucking? We excelled at that. A small smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. I quickly shook it away. I couldn't let myself start to soften around him. I had to stay strong.

"I'm going to get to work."

It was amazing how quickly I got back into the swing of things. I worked quickly.

This was what I was good at.

This was where I thrived.

I was a good mum as well and I would be a good mum again when this was all over.

A pang of hurt twinged in my chest. I missed them. My breasts were heavy with milk. Subconsciously I rubbed over my heart. I was going to have to do something about my milk supply before things got painful.

Go to them, a small internal voice whispered. Go and be with your children. This isn't your fight. You could be happy with the Lycans.

Except this was my fight.

I looked around. These were my people so this was my fight as much as there.

The doors to the infirmary smashed open.

"Cassie." Julian's voice was strangled.

He stood there , wet with blood and in his arms was a woman. Her stomach hugely swollen. For a second I stared at her and wondered why my husband was carrying her into the infirmary and then my eyes fixed on the blood that coated her entire lower half.

"We found her on the road. She's in labour." Ian appeared behind her. A small boy no more than two or three in his arms.

"This way." Tossing off my stained apron I quickly went to get a new pair of gloves. "Out of the way." I shoved them both out of the way.

"Give me the boy." I heard Scarlett say. She took him easily. "He doesn't need to see this. Cassie?"

I didn't look up from the ashen face of my patient. Her eyes were closed. "Go," I told her. "I'll call if I need-" pressing my fingers to the woman's neck I waited and then waited some more.

"Shit." Tears filled my eyes as I gazed up at Scarlett.

Her face fell. "Is she gone?"

I nodded. "I can try and save the baby-" try was the important word there because the woman was already cold.

Scarlett nodded silently and then walked away. "Just do your best Cassie. Just try-"

"I'm going to have to cut her open and- I don't want to hurt her. I have no supplies for this sort of thing." The calmness of earlier had disappeared. I was fighting back tears.

"She won't feel it Cassie." Julian said quietly. "I don't think either of them will. They have gone."

"I can still try and save the baby."

"Then tell me where to cut."

I pointed drawing a line with my finger and turned away as he sliced into her stomach. "Cassie?"

"I'm fine." I lied. I had to pull myself together I had a job to do. Gritting my teeth I reached into the incision he had made. Pulling out the baby I stared down at it.

There was nothing I could do here either. Nothing I could try. This baby , this perfectly formed angelic looking baby girl had died weeks ago.

I sobbed. Shaking my head I placed the baby on her mothers lifeless chest and took a step back. Sucking in air like I was drowning.

"I need , I need to close her up."

"I can do that Cassie." Ian said softly. "Go and get some air."

I didn't need air I needed my children.

Turning on my heel I sprinted from the infirmary, dimly I was aware of Julian racing after me. His feet pounding on the wet ground.

He caught me easily but then I wasn't running to get away from him, but from my own thoughts. And there was no getting away from those.

"Cassie stop."

Spinning I flung myself into his arms. "They died , her baby died." I went back to hysterical sobbing because again I could feel everything and it was shattering me.

Lifting me into his arms he cradled me. "I know Cassie but there was nothing you could have done for them." He pressed his lips to my hair. "Let's get you home."

I didn't argue with him. I wanted to go home. I wanted to cry until I couldn't cry anymore but not just for the mum and baby I had just lost but also for myself.

"Our babies are alive."

"Yes Cassie. Our sons are safe."

The pain of having them taken away from me was a knife wound in my chest but they were alive. My goodbye wasn't forever and that's what mattered the most