Chapter 67

**Megan**

I look at Logan as I lay opposite him in bed. He was fast asleep, his arms tightly wrapped around me. I was so closed I could feel his breath on my face. I sigh a little and turn to climb out of my bed.

Staying in bed with him just seemed impossible to do. We came home and came straight up here and now I can't sleep, I have been sat watching him for about two hours and I still have the urge to beat him up for what he's done or hurting him. I wonder if he really did know how much he's hurt me, he looked like he did when he was begging me to take him back.

I walk out of my room down to the living room and lie on the couch and wrap a blanket around me. I then feel someone watching me. I sit up and look around to see Carl stood at the kitchen doorway.

"Hey beautiful," he says. I sigh and lay back. He walks over to me and sits on the coffee table "you do know there are bedrooms in this place you can sleep in," he states. I nod and look at him. "What's wrong? Tell me," he says. I sigh and sit up and he sits next to me.

"I feel like I made a mistake forgiving him," I said and look at Carl. He sighs and looks up at the ceiling.

"Hmm well honestly I can't tell you what to feel," he said and looks at me "but what I can tell you is that this scared him, I watched him while you were gone and he was all over, I think tonight is probably the first night he's slept," he said and gets comfy.

"But he'll do it again,"

"I don't think he will, he's never cheated before and he was genuinely scared that he'd lose you for it," he pauses "plus believe or not you bring the best out of him,"

"What his cheating side and arm breaking jealous side?" I ask.

"Brendan told you about that?" he asks.

"Yep which I am not happy about what makes him think that I want someone who is violent in my life,"

"He did warn Brendan if that helps," Carl states.

"No it doesn't," I sigh and bring my legs up to my chest and slowly start to cry "he makes me so angry," He laughs and hugs me.

"That honestly is the old him, he's not like that, he is actually quite a sensitive person he just has a dark rebellious side," he pauses and smirks to himself "which is quite hot," he said and I laugh a little and he laughs.

He smiles and moves a bit of hair out of my face "he's lucky that you've forgiven him, he knows it's his last chance," he said and I look down.

"Yeah my friends think I shouldn't forgive him that I should just forget all about him because as the saying goes 'once a cheat always a cheat' they stand by that a lot," I explain and he laughs.

"Well friends have that impact, but it's only you who can decide after all it's your life not anybody else's," he said and I smile at him.

"Yeah I guess," I pause and look at him "thanks," I said and give him a hug. I pull back and without any warning I feel his lips on mine. My eyes widen and I push him back "what are you doing?" I ask.

"I just urm," he starts and I stand up and start to walk out of the room "no Megan wait," he said and grabs my arm. "I'm sorry," he says

"You tell me all this stuff and then you kiss me what the hell Carl, in case you hadn't noticed my boyfriend is your best friend and he's upstairs," I explain.

"You want me to tell you the truth. He doesn't deserve you not after what he's done and after what he's hiding," he snaps. I frown and he stands straight.

"What's he hiding?" I ask.

"Nothing," he said "just forget I said anything," I frown and walk forward.

"Tell me what you mean,"

"It's nothing, it's nothing even bad he's just not comfortable telling anyone because of the promise he made, just leave it ok, he'll tell you soon just at the moment he's scared to," I sigh and stand straight.

"I'm telling him you kissed me," I say. He groans as he looks at me "well it's your own fault I'm not going to keep things from him not anymore after what my last secret led to," I said and walk off. I walk back into my bedroom and shut the door quietly behind being careful not to wake Logan. I then climb into my bed next to him and wrap his arms around me so I'm back facing him.

"Are you ok?" he asks.

"Yeah," I said and he holds me more comfortably. "Carl just tried to kiss me," I say. He reaches over and turns the lamp on and then looks at me "Don't be mad," I said and he smiles a little and turns the lamp back off. He then leans in to kiss me.

"Can we sleep now?" he asks. I nod and he lays back down. "Cool," he said and kisses my forehead. I smile to myself and nuzzle into him.

Logan's hands startle me a little as they touch my hips. I look just to make sure it's him and it is. They move round to my belly as he kisses me neck. I sigh a little and look down at my tablets. I felt really uncomfortable with him holding me, I had never felt really uncomfortable with him but right now I did. It was bound to go away, I was mostly only feeling uncomfortable because of my nightmares. That was understandable though wasn't it?

"Are you going to have breakfast?" he asks, I shake my head and he sighs a little but doesn't push it any further "Ok," is all he said and takes his arms from around me. "I'm off to get ready," he said and walks out. I sigh and hold my head in my hands and rest on the counter.

"Megan," I hear Carl say. I stand straight and look at him "I'm sorry about last night," he says.

"It's fine," I said and start to take my pills. And as I do Logan walks back in wearing a pale blue shirt that had the top two buttons undone and a tie around his neck untied. He wanted me to come to school today.

"Are you not going to get ready?" he asks.

"I don't think I'll go in," I said and he frowns a little "I'm not feeling well," I lie. Well technically I wasn't lying, I felt like running off a cliff that had lava pit at the bottom but he couldn't know that.

"You look ok," he said and I sigh a little and look down at my pills.

"It's more mentally," I said and he sighs a little.

"Ok," he said and goes to kiss me on the lips but I turn so he gets the cheek and he sighs. I look down, what did he expect from me? Shouldn't he be happy that I have let him near me and forgiven him for what he's done? Yes I had forgiven him but did it mean I had to act like it never happened as well?

"I'm off back to bed," I said and walk off up to my room. I shut and lock my bedroom door behind me and lay in my bed while looking through my phone. I hear the front door shut and his car pull out and then I hear another car which is Carls. I sigh to myself and place my phone next to my pillow and try to get some sleep.

A few hours pass and I'm laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Hadn't slept, I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried a nightmare would start and I would wake myself up before it got right into it. Now I was just left with my thoughts, thoughts I hated; thoughts that made me angry and upset which made me even angrier to myself.

I look at the clock at the side to see it was half twelve which meant Logan was on his lunch and he'd most likely call me. I wanted him to call me though I didn't know why when I was still angry with him for what he's done. I guess it was more to take my mind off of the things I'm thinking about that is making me low. I sigh as I take my phone and hold it above me waiting for it to vibrate and his name blink at me.

After about ten minutes it hadn't happened and now my phone was now on my stomach. I sit up and look at the time to see it was 13:43pm I frown and look down at my phone but I had no missed calls and no messages. This was just great I wanted him to ring and he doesn't what the hell is he doing.

'Fucking another girl' a voice in my head says. I sigh and place my phone on my dresser. He wasn't and I knew he wasn't it was probably my paranoia kicking in 'that blonde teacher that's always flirting with him' it said and I groan and move my head onto my lap with my hands round my head.

"Just forget about it," I said out loud and try and think of something else but nothing works. I open my eyes and they land on my box. I sit straight and look at it. He wouldn't know if I did it now and did it in a place he wouldn't see. It would most likely make me feel better for a bit and stop me from thinking what I was thinking.

I reach over and pick up my box and open it to see all my things still in it. I take my razor out and pull down my bottoms. This was one place he'd never see just because he would rather sleep with some stranger than me. I hold the blade at the inside of my right leg and take a deep breath and as I do I hear the slamming of a car door. I stand and look out of my window to see Logan walking up the steps. Nerves build up and I quickly start to put everything away. He'd be furious if he knew what I was going to do I know he would after all I was breaking a promise. I had promised him I'd talk to him before I did any of this again.